"CONTROVERSY"

Hey, Google Image search - try not being SO FUCKING PREDICTABLE.

"AMERICA"

You know what!? I'm GLAD almost anything I can purchase at the supermarket is made out of corn.

Because corn is delicious.

You think I give two shits that the tilapia I just ate was farm-fed Orville Redenbacher?

That's EXACTLY why it tasted so good!

Good grief, America. I wish you'd stop sabotaging taste with your activism.

"WISDOM"

It’s a well-known fact that the only people in the world who play mahjong are old Jewish women.

It’s a less well-known fact that old Jewish women are the smartest people in the world. How do I know this?

As an aging Jewish woman myself, I can feel myself waking up smarter every day.

In fact, this post is essentially about how smart I am.

I am really smart.

"BELIEF"

Belief is a really hard concept to pinpoint; it means something slightly, if not radically, different to everyone.

Suffice it to say, belief has caused much strife around the world - war, bloodshed, and philosophy.

So why, we ask ourselves, have CATS managed to live such relatively peaceful lives!?!?!

It's because CATS JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK. They believe in NOTHING.

Oh readers, I'm SO confused: Is it better to curl up like a calico and just not give a fuck,or is "belief" the white ma... I mean,human's burden?

"STRENGTH"

Nothing builds strength and character like being married to Bobby Brown for 14 years.

Cocaine helps, too.

"LOVE"

Hi readers, and happy Valentines Day.

What is "love?"

For some - and by some I mean me - love boils down to the everyday Asian Sensation with a machine gun.

What does love mean to you?

"TRANSCENDENCE"

tran·scen·dence
n.

1. The quality or state of being entirely above the created universe.

2. The act of taking your lady in the bu... nay, in "bullet time" (see The Matrix), while focusing intently on her brown-eye.