WELCOME

Hi. My name is Carly.

There’s not too much you need to know about me except that I’m short – five feet on a good day – extremely smart, good looking, and, oh yeah, on a quest to crack the human condition.

This quest has taken me on quite the roller coaster ride. Over the past five months, I’ve completed an ethnographic study on Eskimos, followed and psychoanalyzed over 10,000 Twitter sex-bots, and locked myself, along with the entire cast of the Jersey Shore, into a giant straitjacket dangling over the ocean blue. (Thanks for the inspiration, David Blaine!)

Yes, I’ve certainly done an impressive lot these past couple months, but nothing’s granted me more insight into the human condition than my cocaine-induced (JK, heroin) Google Image search binge.

It all started with “Jenny Jones” – you know, Ricky Lake’s blonde rival. Upon typing in her name and browsing through the first, I don’t know, 20 results, I came across this image:

“PROVOCATIVE,” I thought.“Perhaps Google Image searches hold the key to the human condition!”

And alas, my friends, it turns out they do ... They do WAY HARD.

So I suggest you start ditching what you thought you knew.(If that means burning all of your diaries dating back to first grade, DO IT.)Because up until now – that is, without my benevolent intervention – you’ve been subscribing to an Ask Jeeves-level worldview. Lowly. Filthy. Puerile.

But this, my friends, THIS is the Google Image worldview. Elevated. Superior. Flawless.

THIS, my friends, is MEIN GOOGLE.