"LOOPHOLE"

A 7-year-old girl selling lemonade at an Oregon craft fair was recently forced to close shop after failing to show a county inspector her restaurant license.

The inspector threatened the crying girl and her mother with a $500 fine, insisting that their business violated several health codes and that he wanted to "secure [his] position as the least fuckable man on the planet."

Well put, and well played.

EXCEPT.

In walked the chairman of Somewhere, OR, who was all like,

"Poisoning the masses through lemonade stands is a classic, iconic American kid thing to do, and I don't want to be in the business of shutting that down."

So, the health inspector had to lift the embargo, and now children are once again allowed to sell things without risking exorbitant fines and/or lifetime imprisonment.

Uh... Am I the only one who sees this as problematic!? A loophole, if you will?

Because here's the thing.

When I was around 7 years old, my best friend A____ and I went around her neighborhood selling all sorts of miscellanea. You know, shit we found around her house - packets of fruit snacks, a single Puppy Surprise puppy (that I actually pocketed for myself as soon as I ripped it out of its mommy's Velcro uterus), and all of her siblings' belongings - that we deemed to have great value.

And you know what? People bought it. ALL of it.

Maybe it was because we were rich kids selling to a neighborhood of rich McMansioners who didn't know any better ... or maybe [and probably] it was because A____ had really thick glasses and braces at a young age, and people probably thought she was a 'lil slow.'

But whatever the case, we made bank ... and for all the wrong reasons.

Children CAN'T be the answer to a failing formal economy. Just because they're CUTE, doesn't mean they should get paid for spiking your lemonade with iodine and Justin Beiber's pube trimmings.

And so where do we draw the line? If children can sell us all tainted lemonade just because they're cute, then why shouldn't they go ahead and maximize their profits with handguns, illegal drugs, and slaves!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Cuz at the end of the day, I'm not sure I could resist a bump of coke if it came from the hands of a young, innocent entrepreneur. And I'm not sure you could, either.