"SEPARATION"

After 40 years of aggressive, open-mouth kissing, Al and Tipper Gore have decided to separate. Sources report that there were no extramarital affairs involved, and that the couple had simply "grown apart" after 40 years of Al growing puffier and becoming increasingly unable to distinguish the human form from trees.

This confuses me; politicians are supposed to have extramarital affairs! Blowing their loads into strange women is the only thing they can do to keep the power from getting to their heads!

Clinton, Kennedy, Giuliani, Edwards, Spitzer ... all of these men have gone down in history as principal architects of the peace process - men who silenced their wee-wees instead of pushing buttons and randomly blowing up countries, or having sex with their own wives, who were far too ugly to fuck.

You know, I recently read that Barack Obama has been making late-night phone calls to Oprah Winfrey. This makes sense to me because they are both black people.

But Al Gore, what's up with him? Has standing up for the environment made him too much of an emotional softie to cheat on his wife with a hotter babe? Is Al Gore a "faggot?" Would you feel more at home in this country if the Opramah Affair were confirmed?

I would.