"POSTMODERN"

If I had a neon Pomeranian for every time someone mentioned post-mdrnsm in my presence, I'd not only be rich in neon Pomeranians, but also in thoughts of murder. (Didn't you get the memo? The poms shoot lasers out of their furry little assholes!)

GODDAMIT. How long is it gonna take for everyone to realize POSTMODERNISM DOESN'T FUCKING MEAN ANYTHING.

Seriously. Postmodernism is just a blanket term for our latent mental retardation.

And before you get all huffy about it, let me just clarify - When I say "retarded," I don't mean it in that offensive way ... I mean it in the other way.

So now that we've got that settled, let's get back to business.

Since when did it become acceptable to say something is "postmodern" just because it's retarded and makes no sense? Since when did "postmodernism" officially replace the "ummmm's" and "uhhhhh's" of human confusion?

You know what? I don't even care. Cause from here on out, I'm not gonna accept "postmodernism" into my dialect until everyone else accepts what I've been arguing are legitimate uses of the post prefix for YEARS now.

Post-lunch (dinner)
Post-Aniston (Jolie)
Post-alarm clock (snooze)
Post-snooze (snooze)
Post-Obama (Socialism)
Post-past (present)
Post-tomorrow (the day after tomorrow)
Post-puberty (premature sex)
Post-GED (obesity)
Post-cookie (milk)
Post-pp (poopie)
Post-marriage (divorce)

I really don't think I'm making too many demands here. I mean, is the Pope black? Are monkeys tiny giraffes? Exactly. Postmodernism.