"PRIVACY"

Hi, everyone. Tonight's the first night of Passover, which got me thinking - are you ever worried that someone's gonna hijack all of your social networking accounts and then kill you?

I mean, just today I got another update from Mark Zucky telling me that FB's privacy policy is changing again, and that I better act fast and "do something complicated" unless I want my naked keg-stand photos showing up where I don't want them - you know, like projected onto the National Mall via hologram and stuff.

But that's not what worries me. I'm not worried about FB privacy policy, or ... say, the fact that Google owns the rights to everything I've ever typed, looked at, or masturbated to on the computer - that's just child's play!

(Side note: if those fucking Goog workers could just for one second stop talking about how their desk chairs are really just sliding boards, and how their company is so progressive they can wear human feces to work and take vacations whenever they want, they'd realize that MG is gonna own their asses - and probably some cute, third-world countries - in just a matter's time.)

Like I said before, what really worries me is that some crazy is going to hack onto all of my profiles, sabotage my cultural relevance, and then slit my throat.

But maybe there are worse things. I mean ... what if someone decides to not only murder the white, female, Jewish me of real life, but ALSO the black, male, Whirling Dervish me of Second life!?!?!?!?!?!

Who's gonna remember me then? Nobody. WHO'S GONNA UPDATE MY POSTHUMOUS WIKI????!?!?!?!?!? Also nobody.

I usually don't like admitting to weakness, but readers: I'm scared.