This post goes out to all my lady MG readers out there. (Although men are welcome to read, too. Just take heed and channel your mind's vagina.)
LADIES!
Let's talk about that soft brown wonder we crave more than anything - yes, chocolate.
Every woman's most formidable opponent is the chocolate bon bon/chocolate-dipped bacon strip melting to the bottom of her purse.
And while her midday fishing trip through purse detritus always yields a sweet release, it isn't without its harmful side-effects.
In recognition of these effects, I've composed a list of safety precautions one must take when eating chocolate.
1. Always eat chocolate in slow motion - this allows your body to better metabolize the chocolate, so you don't get fat and ugly.
2. Always eat chocolate in privacy - eating chocolate in public is like masturbating in public, which is only OK at night.
3. Always eat chocolate with your eyes closed - this way you can fantasize about George Clooney while you're eating the chocolate. (And if an acquaintance mistakenly walks in on you during the act, he can't accuse you of being homosexual!)
Look. I'm not saying "DON'T eat chocolate;" I'm simply urging you to play by the rules.
There's a fine line between giving into temptation, and giving into public indecency. And the line is drawn in Godiva shavings.
LADIES!
Let's talk about that soft brown wonder we crave more than anything - yes, chocolate.
Every woman's most formidable opponent is the chocolate bon bon/chocolate-dipped bacon strip melting to the bottom of her purse.
And while her midday fishing trip through purse detritus always yields a sweet release, it isn't without its harmful side-effects.
In recognition of these effects, I've composed a list of safety precautions one must take when eating chocolate.
1. Always eat chocolate in slow motion - this allows your body to better metabolize the chocolate, so you don't get fat and ugly.
2. Always eat chocolate in privacy - eating chocolate in public is like masturbating in public, which is only OK at night.
3. Always eat chocolate with your eyes closed - this way you can fantasize about George Clooney while you're eating the chocolate. (And if an acquaintance mistakenly walks in on you during the act, he can't accuse you of being homosexual!)
Look. I'm not saying "DON'T eat chocolate;" I'm simply urging you to play by the rules.
There's a fine line between giving into temptation, and giving into public indecency. And the line is drawn in Godiva shavings.
This is hilarious. That picture is perfect.
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