In case you live outside the city made famous for housing the largest mall in America (and thusly serving as the "worldwide model for sustainability"), Syracuse University recently announced that JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon will be delivering its 2010 commencement address.“We are honored to have Jamie Dimon speak to our graduates,” says SU Chancellor and President Nancy Cantor. "His courageous act of pocketing $25 billion in bailout money should really inspire them to defecate on their fellow brethren."
So true, Chancy Nancy ... but at the same time, I can't help but think there are better candidates for the job.
JUST SUM PUBLIC FIGURES WHO ARE BETTER SUITED TO DELIVER THE 2K10 COMMENCEMENT ADDY:
Bo Obama, Courtney Love, Osama bin Laden, the inventor of Skechers, Carrot Top, Ke$ha, Famous Amos, Flipper, James Earl Jones, Anna Nicole Smith's exhumed body, Bernie Madoff, Keith Richards, Voldemort, Miley Cyrus, the cast of Little People, Big World, the cast of Jersey Shore, Pauly Shore, Clay Aiken, Dora the Explorer, Elizabeth Smart, Steve Buscemi, Lisa Loeb, the Unabomber, Freddie Prinze, Jr., T-Pain, this bulldog in black panties, Michael Vick, Nickelback, Sarah Jessica Parker and/or Palin, Richard Simmons, Pacman, Ricki Lake, Little Debbie, the bride of Chucky, Megan Fox, Ed Hardy, L. Ron Hubbard, me.
And seriously - FUCK YOU, SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY.
YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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